Where is my mind?

“With your feet on the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick, and spin it
(yeah)
Your head’ll collapse if there’s nothing in it
And you’ll ask yourself:
where is my mind? where is my mind? where is my mind?”

— Pixies - Where Is My Mind?

For myself, the process of creation has ebb and flow. Sometimes, my mind is brimming with ideas and possibilities. At other times, it feels like the ideas are damned up: there, but irretrievable.  

I've spoken with many other artists about this, and it seems to be the norm. During those dry spells, I have to find the patience to let that reservoir refill, without forcing anything. But I cannot allow ideas to stagnate.  It's a tricky balance; made trickier by the fact that it is a different balance every time.

What works for me is not dwelling on my own creativity, but to be inspired by what others have created.  Specifically, too, artists who work outside of my own chosen medium.  Music is a frequent go to for me.  Different forms can really help me to either slow down or speed up my mind.  Sometimes I need to create space within my own mind, but at others I need energy.  Some songs attract me because of their lyrics, others because of the music itself.  Some few attract me for both reasons. 

The Pixies song I quoted here is one of the latter.  I'm in love with the music, but sometimes, I really do wonder: where is my mind?  I've been there lately.  But I think just listening (admittedly obsessively) to this song is helping me to move closer to my creative shore.  

So, no new pots to post today, but I can feel my creative reservoir refilling.  So stay tuned!  Also, I've included a link to a video set to "Where Is My Mind" that I quite like.  

When life gives you dirt, throw a pot.

I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then.

                -Lewis Carrol

Of course, when my husband landed a sweet techie gig in Silicon Valley, I assumed I would continue to practice law. Why else pay thousands of dollars to take a three day test? So, I took the California Bar in February of 2011. I first started throwing pots as a way to kill time while waiting for my Bar results. I was stuck, once again, in Bar limbo. I’d been practicing in Missouri for the previous two years, but who cares! Take a three day test over areas you most likely will never practice, that’ll REALLY determine if you’re competent to practice law.

But it wasn’t meant to be. Oh, I passed the Bar all right, that was no problem. I volunteered for months with the SF Public Defender’s Office, I tried to network down here, and applied for oh so many jobs. Nothing worked.  

I did this for years, all the while nurturing my growing love of all things clay.  Finally, I accepted a very hard truth. I loved clay, and I loved the community of artists I was involved with. What I didn’t love was sending my resume off into the void, and having my education and experience completely discounted by everyone I met in the legal community. Trying to find a legal career here was sucking the joy out of life. Sounds bitter, but man, was I ever bitter!

But take a minute and look back at that last paragraph: “I loved clay, and I loved the community of artists I was involved with.” I had fallen in love, hard. So the only sane thing to do was break up with lawyering, and move on to being an artist.  Sounds easy when you cut it up into bite size pieces like that, but it was a struggle, and I’m still struggling.

That’s ok, though. Believe it or not, I find a lot of parallels between being a lawyer and being a potter. So I no longer feel that all those years of law school and lawyering were a total waste.  Nothing has proven that my past and present loves can work together more than putting together this website.  It has forced me to really examine why I love clay.  It has forced me to express that love in words. My potter side had to think about the creative aspect, and my lawyer side had to put all those seemingly disparate pieces together.

The answer came to me, as so often happens, in the shower.  I was working on this koan: “Where does creativity come from?” Epiphany:  creativity comes from error.  It comes when things break.  It comes when there is no true answer. Creation is the solution to the problem.  

When I put my hands in the mud, I can make.  When that making goes awry, then I create. Well, sometimes. Other times, things just fall apart - usually literally. But that space is where I get the opportunity to elevate a made item into a created item. And those times when I fail are important too. Those are the moments where I learn. It is because of those failures that, when that next creative space opens up, I get to create a solution, and a new creative avenue.

This is why I fell in love with lawyering - that space between problems forces my mind to run down new pathways.  This is also why I fell in love with clay. Same exact reasons, even in two seemingly unrelated fields.